How To Homeschool With Real Struggles and Challenges

How to Homeschool When Kids Have Bad Attitudes and Siblings Fight

How do you homeschool when kids have bad attitudes and siblings fight amongst themselves? How should you handle the real struggles and challenges as a homeschooling parent? This is a good question to ask because, whether we want to acknowledge it or not, it is a very real, daily part of homeschooling!

I recently had someone ask me this question on YouTube.

“Can you do a video or comment on how you deal with the sibling fights and when they don’t want to sit down. Do you have any children who are less enthusiastic or maybe rebellious in some cases?”

Quite honestly, it would be easy to skirt around this question because there’s not an easy, clear-cut answer for some personal struggles, but truthfully, it’s a question we need to address because it is a regular part of what we do as homeschool moms.

When we moms think of homeschooling, I think some of us have this idyllic picture of doing it in a world where there are no problems. No selfishness. No hard days. No personality clashes. Everyone just enjoys being together. If only that were the case, right?

While I still have a lot to learn on this topic, I want to share the helpful tips I have learned in my 14 years of experience as a homeschooling mom to ten kids. For those of you who also have some homeschooling experience, I invite you to join the conversation below and comment with your solutions for homeschooling when kids fight and have bad attitudes.

Video: How to Homeschool When Kids Have Bad Attitudes and Siblings Fight

Looks Different in Different Seasons

Behavior struggles look different depending on how old your children are. One of the most common challenges we have had in our homeschooling family is bad attitudes and sibling arguments.

When they are young, kids often quarrel over sharing a toy, who should be first, not wanting to obey. With older kids, sibling conflict often shows itself in clashing personalities. As teens gain independence, they can disrespect parents or house rules.

Address it or not?

How can you tell if the sibling quarrels in your home are something you should address or leave the kids to work out amongst themselves? This is something that I believe you get better at with parenting experience.

A general rule of thumb I use is this. When the matter involves injustice, it should be addressed, if it is more of a clash of personalities (often with older children), it may be a good chance to let them try to work it out.

What about when the conflict is between parent and child? This can show itself in many ways. If a child is noncompliant or doesn’t want to do anything you ask, it is hard to move forward in home school work. Without respect, how can you accomplish anything? This type of behavior should be addressed as the first priority.

Helpful Solutions

One of the most obvious solutions is to have conversations with your kids about being kind and putting others first. If you are a family that reads the Bible and great literature together, the concept of loving your neighbor will be something you come across all the time. This is a great way to talk to your kids about how to love the other people in your home.

In addition to conversations, try these other problem-solving strategies that have worked well for us!

#1 Have clearly defined expectations and boundaries and stick to them!

We can’t hope for peace in our homes if the kids don’t know what to expect. Additionally, if the boundaries are unknown and/or consequences keep changing, we are setting ourselves up for failure. Write out a list (preferably a short list) of realistic expectations and put it in a visible place for all family members to see.

Younger children especially need a daily routine. It’s not necessary to write out specific times, but the most important thing is that you have a rhythm established.

#2 Whisper

Be the first to set an example. When arguments escalate and the temperature rises, respond by lowering your voice. (I’m not referring to an angry, passive-aggressive whisper, but a quieting of the spirit.) Visibly de-escalate the situation by calming yourself down first. When you start whispering to solve the conflict, kids often begin to lower their voices.

#3 Separate them from the situation.

Sometimes when tension runs high, the best choice is to separate a child from the situation. Have the child go to another room for a few minutes to calm down until you can talk to them reasonably about the issue. You have a much better chance of sifting through problems when emotions aren’t quite so high. This doesn’t need to take much time, but a little bit of space quiets contention.

#4 Keep kids near you.

Often when we as homeschool parents are distracted or trying to get something else done, this is the time that our kids start to squabble. If you observe this becoming a problem in your homeschool, try keeping your kids near you. Being WITH them can be the best way to solve problems quickly!

Work at a table or in one room together where you can keep close tabs on conversations and struggles. As they work at their own pace, you can assist with any special needs. Close proximity tends to minimize conflict.

#5 Separate your kids.

If you have older kids who can work independently, separating them can be a good choice to help minimize quarrels and help them focus better on their lessons. Additionally, their younger siblings can sometimes be a distraction depending on what kind of home school work they are trying to complete. Our older kids have a desk in their bedrooms where they can go to have some quiet focused work time.

Separating younger kids may help them take a break from the present issue. When young children get upset, they struggle to calm down. (Struggling to calm down is often one of my own struggles too!)

Often I will have a child work at the desk in our bedroom or another room for some focused work time.

You can also try giving your kids some quiet time alone and then when it’s appropriate, they can come back to join the group for a fresh start.

#6 Strategize with your spouse.

If you are having some difficult days, talk with your husband. He may have some new ideas you can try. This has been helpful to me specifically with having boys. He understands how boys think better than I do. He understands that boys are more physical and have a need to get out their energy.

Your husband may also have some ideas for other personal struggles in your homeschool year like lack of motivation to finish work, different learning styles, or time management skills.

#7 Prioritize your home atmosphere and your kids’ character above school.

If I notice that we have constant conflict in our homeschool, we put our school books aside to work on our relationships. Yes, it is ok to stop your school day to tackle this! Our home atmosphere and kids’ character takes precedence over the homeschool curriculum and everything else. If that means we close the books for a day, so be it!

Spend a little time getting the house in order, cooking together, and being kind to one another. Get the family back into a healthier place. If you keep trudging through schoolwork so you can just get it done, you might be spinning your wheels.

Rather, it is worth taking the time to stop and focus on character issues with your kids. We want our kids to be good friends, so prioritizing home and family will pay off in the long run when everyone gets along better and you can move forward.